Daily Diatribe

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Merry Christmas to all my readers,

‘Though you’re all heartless neo-con bleeders,

Who to urchin or welfare mum,

Would only give a kick up the bum.

And say get a job, stop your breedin’,

If you want to keep on feedin’,

Whether stacking shelves or checkout chick,

But not on a board ‘cos you’re too thick.

To welfare sponges and bogans all,

No matter if you’re short, fat, thin or tall,

You lazy sods make me feel sick,

So get your mits out of my kick.

It is the season to be jolly,

And to get in that state I need lolly,

For beer, wine, spirits and lots of drugs,

So I can laugh at the antics of yobs and thugs.

Who all get bladdered this time of year,

And roam the streets creating fear,

In seaside town and suburbs west,

They always shit in their own nest.

Meanwhile at home, with beasties roasted,

You proceed to get really toasted,

And call your brother a pretentious fart,

And his wife a silly tart.

Your brother-in-law a worthless commie,

But only expected ‘cos he’s a pommy,

Your cousin a slapper, her friend a git,

Then you paw your in-laws tit.

After spreading your seasonal cheer,

They won’t speak to you for a year,

And that’s the best way for it to be,

When you’re dealing with family.

Peace on earth, my hairy arse,

Tell that to El Que’da and HAMAS,

If they saw a fat bloke in a sleigh,

With RPG and AK they’d spray.

Then dance around the wreckage flaming,

Pilger and Fisk would be US blaming,

Then a raghead waving smoking AK,

Appears prime time live on El J.

And to prove that fatboy’s dead,

They’d produce his severed head,

Call Santa a Zionist Imperialist Infidel,

Who’s just been dispatched straight to hell.

The surviving reindeer they’d shoot and stab,

And cook them in a big kebab,

But they will a fatwa get,

‘Cos reindeer isn’t helal yet.

What is it with peace pillocks, Cairns and getting arrested performing acts of gross imbecility?

There must be something in the water, and I’m betting it’s LSD25; first we had serial idiot Bryla getting his grubby collar felt at Pine Gap, now we’ve got this dolt annoying heavily armed, short-tempered killbots*:-

A 41-year-old peace activist who says she wanted to inspect a United States warship for weapons of mass destruction has been charged with trespassing.

Margaret Pestorius, from the activist group Peace by Peace, said she and four other people went at 8.30am (AEST) yesterday to a restricted area of Trinity Wharf at Cairns, in north Queensland, where the frigate the USS Ingraham was berthed.

“We were hoping to inspect it,” Ms Pestorius said today.

“We wanted to know what weapons were on board the ship, where the ship has been and what operations the ship is involved in.”

I’m sure the US Navy were impressed by her tiresome antics, and more than happy to provide operational information to a dingbat wearing a sarong around her pointy head, in solidarity with Muslim Indonesian wimmin victims of American hegemony. How’s that for a perfectly apt moniker though?

Why is it that these gits are invariably my age or older, and certainly should know better?

*How can you argue with such unimpeachable sources as Jane Fonda and Kent Brockman?

UPDATE I’ve just had an idea on how both parties could be accommodated in this matter- here’s a means whereby a close inspection of the vessel could be carried out, without breaching security requirements.

Win/win in my books, and good for a giggle if the spectacle is spotted by a starving saurian- after all, aren’t they an endangered species, and don’t all hippies want to do all they can to preserve diversity?

As a feral and introduced species that is breeding faster than canetoads on Viagra, there’s no higher calling than winding up as rich, fertile pukpuk poop.

Back at work, and surprisingly pleased to be so; can someone please explain to me why human females are even more irrational and unreasonable during a supposed season of goodwill than during the rest of the year?

UPDATE I rest my case.

Further to the previous post about alfoil Akubra aficionados invading Pine Gap, here’s a photo of the assembled activists*:-

One of these is well-known Cairns gigolo and unsuccessful naval vessel boarder Bryan Law- see if you can amuse yourselves in my absence by working out which one? After all, it’s better to amuse yourself than abuse yourself.

*Note the image doesn’t contain former Iraqi shield Donna Mulhearn- I believe the photographer couldn’t get her in frame, as they weren’t in possession of a fish-eye lens.

I’m buggering off for a few days to relish the blistering heat and crushing humidity much beloved about Queensland, drink myself into a sweaty stupor by lunchtime and stagger around the compound dispatching obnoxious wildlife with a 5 iron, then collapse in a room cooled by global-warming inducing, glacier-destroying noise-polluting air conditioning. Sounds fun.

A few of we reactionary types are thinking of attending this soiree’- while it is being run by a local anarchist/dingbat radio station, they at least receive no public funding and have managed to line up thirty bands for thirty-five bucks, and beer tents all over; if I notice any really unusual and/or amusing freaks, I’ll photograph them and publish later.

I might even get around to hooking up my broadband in the next day or so- I’m already starting to regret going through the competence vacuum that is Telstra, having been informed that you can’t hook up a Mac on line and have to trudge into a Telstra outlet and obtain a modem kit there, then to be led by the nose through the procedure by some incoherent sub-continental mumbling in Urdu from some call centre in Calcutta.

How else do you account for US$0.50c being worth a hundred bucks Australian?

Well he would be if they used Ol’ Sparky instead of boring old chemicals; the other headline I thought of was Tookie In Dookie, and another one just popped into my diseased mind- Terminator Terminates Termite.

Either way, the Tookster’s going to be wearing a rubber bag by tomorrow morning, and no great loss either.

As usual, the usual suspects are outraged, claiming he’s a reformed muthafucka, and no longer wants to cap other niggaz an’ shit.

Odd how most of these arseholes become reformed characters/find religion/work for the betterment of others only after they’ve been pinched, convicted and sentenced- the idea of changing one’s behaviour before facing judicial sanction strangely never seems to manifest itself.

Oops- silly me- like the Great Bogan Uprising Of ‘05, croaking Tooks is due to Anglo-Saxon racism:-

Strange, seeing as the final word was down to an Austrian-American, and the victim of institutionalised racism was convicted of four murders, two being Caucasian and the other two Asian; fortunately, it’s only honkies who can harbour such base beliefs.

Bloody hell- it looks like my exhortations have been taken seriously by some moonbats- lucky for them they did it here, and not in a less enlightened part of the world.