Daily Diatribe

In a move that will infuriate the most staunch opponent of action against militant fundamentalist Islam, senior El Que’da muftis have issued a fatwa, placing a bounty on UN Secretary General Koffi Annan’s head.

This move opens a whole new chapter on the way in which alleged terrorist insurgent organisations are handled; the UN will not sit back idly while one of its own is threatened- expect to see a resolution tabled within three years, declaring that multilateral action may be considered, or maybe not.

It may not be the SAS or Delta force, as predicted by the lovely and dulcet Rose Rose, but there is at least one organisation prepared to do the hard yards to breach the walls surrounding our banged-up beautician:-

And cheap as chips, at 100K- weeks of extended blather, and spin-offs to the purple press and womens glossies.

I find myself for once in the invidious position of being in almost total agreement with Media Watch; the Australian media (particularly Channel 9) has been disgraceful in their coverage of this unfortunate spectacle.

The coverage has been lame, biased, prejudicial and based on hearsay and conjecture- much like the defence of Corby. Nine has been nauseatingly sycophantic, the rest little better- their obvious agenda at least achieving the result of a few less drunken, boorish Australian yahoos parading the streets of Kuta for a few weeks, but no longer- most of these peabrains have the attention-span of blowflies.

Even the most basic research could have dug up some interesting data on the Corby clan and their activities, but all that went out the window when the media circus decided to run with opinion formulated in late-night sessions in western suburb boozers. As to describing Gold Coast sleaze, undischarged bankrupt and shameless opportunist Ron Bakir as a knight in shining armour, I nearly lost my lunch; a publicity-chasing failure in a rusty Commodore would be more appropriate.

As usual, it’s down to blogs to be at the forefront, and as usual P&CDD leads the pack; we have an exclusive* on the grounds to be used by Schapelle’s crack legal team for her appeal, and it’s a proven winner:-

A dingo packed my boogie-board bag!

*Only cost us a carton of duty-free Winnie Blues and a slab of Bintang.

UPDATE:- From the scallywags at The Spin Starts Here comes the essential travel requirement for any bogan would-be Michael Palin:-

Deary me- I love the former broadcaster line with Derwood, but I think that may have more to do with his deranged slagging off of the corpse of Graham Kennedy* than his seemingly accurate surmise of the tawdry Corby affair.

Feel free to add your own crappy Schapelle gags in comments- there’s already been quite a lead.

*Leftist gay rights activists may also like to discuss why homophobe right wing polemicist Andrew Bolt has been one of the most vocal critics of the odious allegations of the bearded Kiwi boohoo; perhaps he’s a closet queer, asuaging his own guilt for a prediliction for buggery, or could he in fact be someone who thinks that anyone who tries to gain ratings from tawdry allegations on those no longer capable to defend themselves (through death) are the most venal. disgusting, talentless, worthless, vain consumers of oxygen who should be fitted in to the barrel of a railway gun and fired at their benighted home island?

UPDATE 2 Guess who’s looking at signing a deal with celebrity sleazoid Harry M. Miller? The media rights will probably pay better* than the dope run was ever going to. Given the amount of scuttlebut I’m getting on this, it may only be a matter of time before the Corby clan gets done over by either the drug squad, the AFP, the NCA or all three; I wonder how much googy will be dripping from the collective pusses of assorted media hacks and pundits if this occurs, and charges laid.

Mick Keelty obviously knows more than he’s letting on for starters. And what is it about a bit of media hype that brings the fruitcups out of their padded rooms to flit about, bashing into things like a moth at a streetlight?

Here’s an example of the sort of demented gibberish this sort of media circus brings out- a Sydney dingbat has volunteered to be machine-gunned in Corby’s place:-

In an articulate** five-page letter, sent to Judge Linton Sirait yesterday, Sydney man Trevor Johnson, 43, offered to sacrifice his life.
“It is my earnest conviction, my conscience, that I offer myself to face the firing squad in Schapelle’s place,” he wrote.
“I am fully willing to ‘pay that fine’ to secure her release.
“Even though the prosecution has not asked for the death penalty in this case, I offer my life in front of your firing squad, in exchange for Schapelle Corby’s freedom.

While I have no problem per se with this idiot being mown down in a hail of hot lead, the beak is having none of it:-

Yesterday he thanked the Australian public for the letters but said he could not answer*** them all.
Judge Sirait said it was impossible for another person to swap places with a convicted person.

Elsewhere, overseas ill-informed ratchet-jawed celebrity moon pies are throwing their two-bobs worth in- like we need another opinion, particularly another that doesn’t have the faintest idea of what it’s about.

*Check out the latest link re Ron Bakir- what a grub. Also, 70K so far in legal aid from taxpayers, not a cracker from Mr 50%.

**Being nuts doesn’t automatically exclude literacy- the Unabomber wrote pages of screed, all crazier than a shithouse rat.

***Or read….

UPDATE 3 Everybody wants to be part of the act- Parker Brothers have reissued an old favourite with the Indonesian judiciary in mind:-

(Thanks to Bushy, you photoshop fool you).

UPDATE 4 Corby supporters are a bunch of charmers, and pretty bloody smart as well; I’m sure sending shit to the Indonesian embassy in Canberra will soften attitudes in the archipelago, and cause a democratic government to abandon their judicial system and due process. These cretins were mildly amusing until this, now they’re tiresome, embarrassing and potentially dangerous.

Ironic that one of the irrational winges produced by these mouth-breathers is the supposed lenient treatment handed to the Gerbil of Death, despite the fact that the prosecution case was very weak, and would probably not have resulted in a conviction in an Australian jurisdiction, as compared to the apparently draconian 20 years handed out to Corby; they then adopt the very tactics of the organisation that Abu Bakir Bashir is said to lead the Indonesian faction of.

Fucktards. If by some colossal accident the AFP manage to get hold of the purpetrator(s), I trust they are charged under the new terrorism statutes, and not some trivial mail offence.

Doyen of The Yartz and general all-round pretentious wanker, whiny pain-in-the-arse and fund hoover Barrie Kosky is back in country for a brief visit; mainly to tell us what a pack of ignorant phillistines, apalling, vulgar, uncouth pillocks and unapreciative slobs we are, and to help himself to some cabfare from taxpayers.

The Melbourne-born theatre and opera director, resident these past five years in Vienna, is temporarily back in his home town, presenting Boulevard Delirium, a show he devised with a fellow Australian, performer Paul Capsis.
It says much, perhaps, that Boulevard Delirium has already enjoyed three successful seasons in Austria since 2001, yet is only now receiving its Australian premiere.

Maybe because only beer-swilling nazi bucketheads are the only people on earth who can get drunk enough to sit through a couple of hours of turgid, self-indulgent swill. Victorians may show similar tolerance to abuse- after all, they re-elected the Bracks government.

He is justifiably proud of having been a big mouth in an industry where criticism is often muted due to fears of losing all-important subsidies.

While looking for more funding:-

He has said many times that he has no wish to work in Australia under Howard’s regime, and lambasts both governmental conservatism and popular mediocrity. He calls, in fact, for an urgent upheaval in arts and cultural policy, yet is reluctant to come home and lead it.

Upheaval is possibly the wrong word- massacre, bloodbath, slashed beyond recognition with a chainsaw- now they’re closer to the mark. But we mediocre knuckle-draggers wouldn’t know quality art from dross; we’d just be as likely to eat it, or wipe our arses with it; that’s why artists need to not only be cultivated, but protected from such evil as market forces.

There are people here creating extraordinary work. What makes me so sad about Australia is that the sheer quality of Australian artists is staggering. For a country of 20 million people, the variety, quality and uniqueness of so many Australian artists right across the spectrum is extraordinary. But what we don’t provide is the structural soil, both financial and cultural, for these people to fly, to soar, to live their dreams.
“Either these people have to go overseas, to find work, or to be able to do work without compromise, or we kill them. We eat them. Australia is a country that eats its young, gobbles them up, then spits them out. People either turn into bitter, sour shadows of their former selves, or they’re run into the ground through fighting. I found myself thinking five years ago: ‘I could be doing this for the rest of my life’, and I refused to do that. For me it’s a very sad indictment of the cultural landscape.”

“We should enable the existing institutions to produce work, and not just survive. What he have is the ludicrous situation in Australia where we have the institutions and the companies, but they are funded just to survive, just to pay bills. The governments, both Liberal and Labor, fund to fail.”
He has no time for so-called free-market arguments that suggest the arts should survive without subsidy, dismissing them as “complete bullshit”. It’s possible, too, to detect both exasperation and panic ? the exasperation and panic of the expatriate in self-imposed exile ? in his calls for radical reform.
“People fear not being liked. There is an adolescent quality to cultural debate in this country,” he says. “It’s about frigging time that everyone grew up and said, ‘This is a load of f—ing crap.’ There is nothing more deathly in the arts than a middle position. We need a major, major cultural revolution.

Sure do, and I’ll happily man the tumbrils- you’d have to be careful lopping off noggins from this field of endevour, however- the sudden rush of air as the vacuum in their heads is equalised with the outside atmosphere would be as dangerous as disposing of old television tubes.

Barrie couldn’t bring himself to stay in such a cultural backwater, suppounded by drooling oafs and mouth-breathing football fans:-

“I can’t live here. I can’t. For me, Australia is the place where I was born, it’s the place where I will always come back to work, and it’s the place where part of my soul is. But I find it too depressing, and too sad, to try to create my work here.”

Bye, Bazza, and don’t let the door hit you on the arse on the way out- take some mates if you want, there’s plenty of the buggers.

I made my position clear at the start- a battle between the NSW Waratards and the South Island Canterbury Crusaders to me was akin to a caged contest between Osama Bin Laden and Abu Musab al Zaqawi- what’s more important is who loses, and how much ugly damage is done in the defeat.

NSW looked like they may have been in the game for the first ten minutes, then proceeded to stagger around the paddock like a pack of drunken parking attendants, allowing the professional Canterbury side to run riot; whats more, the giving away of penalties to a side with three All Black kickers in clear range was suicidal.

The ‘Tards came back in the last 10 minutes, and Matt Rogers finally showed what he is capable of, when victory was completely out of grasp.

No real matter- a ten point loss in a final is total humilation; what’s the betting on most of these losers featuring in the run-on Wallaby side?

Ewan McKenzie gnawing his nails was a highlight- here’s a hint, Tubby, if you’d like the national coaching job, try to not be filmed engaged in cuticle consumption- it’s a little unpleasant.

If you’re reading this cs, enjoy the diet of odure; a nasty embolism can surely follow.

How did the tabloids, Ray and the other bottom feeders of the Australian media miss that obvious leader? Falling down on their jobs, I feel.

I’ve already made my views clear on this, but I’ve been busy justifying my position on a thread at Tim Blairs.

Feel free to join in- I’ve been called a leftist troll so far, much better than I’ve ever got from Webdiary.

Do not pass go, collect 20 years and 14K in fines, including a monkey to get your passport back*.

*Passports are the property of the Commonwealth- go figure.

Just a quick gentle reminder to all those who vowed to top themselves should the unthinkable occur, and John Howard be returned to government, such as leading actress Toni Collette- it’s been over six months now, and we haven’t spotted any of you bobbing in the waves off South Head, or causing futile high-speed dashes by paramedics to your sumptious abodes.

Maybe you just need some guidance:-

I also haven’t noticed outbound NZ flights bursting at the seams with dismayed lefties either- could this have just been an idle threat (promise)?

You’re Singapore!
You’re small but well-built and people are a little afraid
of you. You might even walk with a cane that people find somewhat menacing,
rather than seeing it as an aid to your mobility. You like an urban lifestyle,
with little time for nature or the more rural pleasures of life. This
fast-paced lifestyle suits you, and you wish everyone around you would just
shape up.Take
the Country Quiz at the Blue Pyramid

I certainly share their disdain for long-haired gits, chewing gum and Malaysia, and their taste in curry* and Tiger beer.

*Particularly the fish-head curry at the Banana Leaf- nothing better than scoffing something that’s looking back at you.

What has everyone been hoping for? Peace on earth? Maybe. A clean environment? Perhaps. Probably the main priority for humankind is a means of transportation that is not dependant on the burning of fossil fuel- a dependance that has created the twin horrors of global warming and a powerful and influential oligarchy of multinational oil companies, who dominate so-called “democracies” with their power to bring modern societies to a grinding halt.

Thanks to research by Japanese scientists, the monopoly of oil is over- they have developed a means of personal transport that is not only sustainable, it uses the renewable and pollution-free resources of air and water.

Bob Brown is preparing a private members bill as this item is published, demanding that Australia embrace this new and evolutionary means of transit; besides the immediate savings in fuel costs, resource use and pollution, the new devices save the cost of street cleaning as well.

Mankind now has a brighter future.

The financially challenged University of Queensland at Saint Lucia is to host the vital Brisbane Social Forum this weekend, where a broad spectrum of political thought will be considered- broad is used in the context of the size of the arse-cheeks of the disgruntled feminists, surly socialists and acned anarchists who will attend, spectrum being a narrow view on various hobby horse subjects held by strident campus political types who can’t get a boy/girl/animal friend or score decent drugs.

Of particular dingbat interest is a spray by Omar Shariff impersonator for the visually challenged, Tariq Ali, on the vexing subject of Globalisation and Democracy After Iraq. Huh??

I wonder if he’s going to do his snappy rap number, and spin on his pointy head for the hip young crowd (median age 48).

Anyone interested could trot along- although charging admission seems to be somewhat in conflict with socialist principles, you could ignore this hypocrisy and raise some logical arguments to the propositions put forward by the Middle Eastern Maxist, or you could just take a bucket of shit and throw it about at random.

The latter is probably going to be more effective, and recieve a more positive response.