Daily Diatribe

The recently released dodgy poll results from the Lowy Institute have caused a stirring among punditry, firstly causing James Morrow to query the veracity of international law, and the repeated criticism of western democracies by two-bob UN committees, many filled with yahoos from repressive and genocidal regimes.

Greg Sheridan reviews the influence that luvvies and their leftist/elitist mindset have on Australians and their government, and concludes it’s bugger all.

James Morrow daring to criticise the UN and their rampant hypocrisy has drawn crabs from some of the usual suspects:-

MORROW clearly does not like the report handed out by the UN’s Committee on the Elimination of Racial Discrimination, which points the finger at Howard’s Australia for being intolerant, particularly towards Arab and Muslim Australians.

Howard’s Australia may still be a far cry from such bold expressions of religiosity from its American counterpart. But the undertones of Christendom’s historic antipathy towards Islam resonated when our prime minister made the inflammatory accusation that Muslim refugees had thrown their children overboard. It is irrelevant whether the UN is fit or unfit to criticise Australia for racism and human rights violations. What is relevant is whether we are able to “make the connection”.

Reverend Dr Vincent Zankin

Rivett, ACT

IS the investigation implicating Annan just the beginning of a campaign against him, because he dared to say the invasion of Iraq by the US, Britain and Australia was illegal?

Gavin Date

Marleston, SA

Well Rev Wankin’, I don’t recall the PM or anyone else drawing attention to or even mentioning the religion of the participants in the alleged aquatic infant shot-put, and since when is support for Israel grounds for terrorist attacks being legitimate? Why is this carping commie still in the ministry and the ADF? As to Gav, (who talks out his date), is being an advocate for a political position a defence for fraudulent, nepotistic and criminal behaviour, particularly if said behaviour led to creating the situation that made the military action you so vocally opposed virtually inevitable?

It’s looking like the Koffster’s in more shit than a tapeworm egg over this, especially after revelations of an evidential confetti party in his office when the investigation into the UN Oil For Food program was announced.

On this issue, Leaky Bill appears to have lost what little there was of his tiny mind:-

I thought it was the evil Bush administration that was hounding poor ol’ Kofi and his sticky-fingered son- it’s a real struggle to work out who’s the most demented out of Leaky and Loonig.

SHEEEITT, Bros, yo better be gettin’ yo’ ass on board mofo Delta Airlines; dey gonna look after yo’ ass, no matter what sorta punk-ass muthafucka you be; shit, even if you be some sorta homes who can’t go down de shops wifout yo’ momma givin’ y’all change for blunts, don’t be worryin’ bout no shit- if dese Delta muthafuckas don’t be lookin’ after yo’ ass, I be comin’ roun’ wit’de homies an’ pop a cap in dere’ corportate ass. Blood. Respec’

In contrast to the usual northbound traffic of US Army deserters fleeing to Canada to avoid active service, a fraidy-cat Canadian harp seal has skived off doing its national duty to attack the baseball bat of a drunken Newfie with its head, and jumped the border to seek the safety of John Kerry country.

This display of yellow-bellied cowardice and surrender has been applauded throughout Canada, especially in the mostly French province of Quebec as a fine example of Canuck fighting spirit. The seal is expected to seek asylum, and seeing as it’s bobbed up in the most loopy jurisdiction this side of San Francisco it is likely to be granted.

Democratic Party sources are already sounding out the blubbery border-hopper to see if it is interested in a tilt at the Oval Office in 2008.

To fill out a perfect long weekend featuring a long lunch with expensive wine (and a transvestite), I managed to catch a couple of recent releases, and here’s my Margaret Pomeranian/David Stretchmark assisted reviews:

First up, The Punisher.

This is the most vicious, violent and vengeful movie I’ve seen in years- makes the original Mad Max seem like the Care Bears Movie. After the complete annihilation of his entire genetic line by a pack of ‘ner do wells, an undercover FBI agent goes feral, gets pissed up on Wild Turkey and croaks everyone remotely associated with the first massacre, while hooning drunkenly around in a well tweaked-up GTO. This pisshead has more ordnance than a Marine battalion, but makes do when necessary with improvisation, such as one incident when he cleaves some hood’s scone in two with a sharpened metal bar.
He also seems to have an endless supply of tripwire-fired antipersonnel mines; any movie that ends with John Travolta tied to the back bumper of a pimpmobile, being dragged though a lot full of exploding cars gets four thumbs up from this reviewer.

David? A disgusting display of American vulgarity- sums up their attitude of “might is right” and their venal persuit of freedom fighters in Afghanistan and Iraq. I would have vomited, but the green tea colonic irrigation I had before I went to the theatre had cleaned me out.

Margaret? For once I agree with David- this sort of imperialistic grandstanding should be censored off the face of the earth- fancy tripe like this occupying screen time that could be taken up with a 14 hour continuous loop of Noam Chomsky recounting his views on global capital, or some kiddie porn I’ve got the distribution rights for.

Next up, Troy:

What can I say? Anything featuring Brad Pitt, Eric Bana, Orlando Bloom and the dead chick from The Sopranos- a disaster waiting to happen; happen it did, in spades, for about forty-six bloody hours. Orlando was particularly poofy, mincing about as Paris of Troy, but appearing more like Paris of Hilton; it’s little wonder that Brad Pitt has entered the lexicon of rhyming slang. Eric Bana as Hector was the pick of the litter, and his effort wasn’t up to the high standards set as Bruce Banner. Isn’t Peter O’Toole dead? I’d say he soon became so once he viewed the first few rushes of this stinker.
Even the special effects were crap, and some pair of ponytailed poonces had the hide to claim credit as scriptwriters, giving a nod to The Illiad; I’d say they were smoking crack while reading said tome- anything featuring Steve Reeves is a paragon of historical accuracy compared to this gobbler.
Avoid at all costs, unless drunk and looking for a laugh.

David? Anything featuring big butch men in gladiator costumes is OK with me. Fortunately Australian multiplexes are much more tolerant than theatres in Florida. I’m glad the usher had some Wet Ones handy. A true epic.

Margaret? I must disagree- there was far too much gratuitous violence, and not enough child pornography. There’s no way I could make some facile, self-aggrandising point defending this fillum, and the representation of Greeks was insulting; I didn’t see a single fish & chip or yeeros shop in Troy, and nary a lowered Valiant was spotted either. What’s with all the pacing gigs? Everyone knows the wogs go to the panlickers.

Well there you have it- stay tuned until we get our next batch of poorly dubbed Thai pirate DVDs.

Probably crocodiles, if you don’t vote for the Hitler of Harare. Bob Mugabe shows the socialist view of democratic choice vividly in his latest burst of gibberish:-

“All those who will vote for the MDC are traitors,” Mugabe said Monday at a rally for the ruling Zimbabwe African National Union-Patriotic Front in Mutoko, 90 miles northeast of Harare.

In a separate speech on Tuesday, he also rejected the possibility of sharing government with the opposition, saying an MDC win would “not be tolerated.” He spoke to about 15,000 party supporters at a rally in Bindura, 55 miles north of Harare.

Sounds similar to the gracious acceptance of electoral defeat by the left in Australia and the US- maybe if Crazy Bob loses, he can get pre-selection for the ALP or Greens here.

Mugabe is well and truly past his use-by date, and it’s about time he went; even if this does happen I don’t hold out great hope for the future performance of the MDC- there’s always a lot of blather about change, ending corruption and cronyism and bringing in economic reforms, but usually within months it’s back to business as usual, with whatever tribal group is dominant in the ruling party running the show as a personal fiefdom.

Can anyone name an African state that is only as corrupt, draconian, poorly run and bankrupt as Brackistan?

Buggered if I can think of one.

Proven failure anyway- morons involved in a lame fence-cutting act performed during the tiresome annual histrionics of the underemployed and life disadvantaged have floated the idea of running the morally correct defence for their upcoming charges of trespass and criminal damage:

Five Western Australian activists defended their fence-cutting protest at the Baxter Detention Centre over Easter, describing the action as morally right.

“We remain open and accountable for these actions as we believe that they are morally right.”

They seem keen on running the defence so successful in keeping the Sydney Opera House artists out of the pokey- perhaps they’re all getting advice from the lawyer who did such a bang-up job with the Bakhtiari clan.

SA police need to take some riotous behaviour tolerance lessons from their NSW counterparts, however, if their brutal behaviour and lack of arrest reluctance displayed over the weekend are anything to go by.

Yet another poll has been released showing Australians are nearly all Balmain Basketweavers, convinced the sky is falling, George W. Bush is evil incarnate and only the chosen few will be picked up when Hale Bopp comes around next time.

You’d think someone like Frank Lowy would have more sense than to fund yet another think-tank of bed-wetters, but alas not; Greg Sheridan gives some ideas on why the results seem a little skewed.

I have my own ideas- it’s supposedly a representative sample of 1,000 respondents, and what’s the betting the sample are all from the eastern suburbs of Sydney and Melbourne.

WHILE John Howard staunchly followed his close friend George W.Bush to war, Australians don’t hold the same affection for our key ally, with the US ranking below China, France and Japan in the public’s estimation.

According to the first annual Lowy Institute poll, released yesterday, Australians rated the US above only our northern neighbour Indonesia and the so-called axis of evil member Iran and its war-torn neighbour Iraq.

Easy to see- all those bogans and westies flocking to French movies, ordering fugu with fries at Maccas and buying up big on Chinese hip-hop.

As expected the usual suspects are hopping on the solar powered organic-tofu bandwagon revelling in the discovery that daft hippies are more scared of global warming and nuclear proliferation than terrorism, particularly seeing that none of the Nepalese beanie-clad wallies live within coo-ee of Lakemba.

Global warming and nuclear proliferation outpolled terrorism and illegal immigration as the greatest foreign policy concerns.

Mr Wakeham said the fact that only the nuclear threat concerned Australians more than climate change exposed the madness of claiming that Australia should move backwards to nuclear power to reduce greenhouse pollution.

Just as well he popped that last little proviso in, otherwise the point would have to be made that the only possible way to cut emissions (and lead to a dimming nightmare) would be to go nuke, giving us some spent fuel to tip ordnance with, and maybe enough plutonium to knock up a couple of naughty bombs to keep the Indonesians on their toes.

Does anyone know anyone who’s been polled in one of these supposedly representative surveys? The nearest I’ve ever had is being subjected to some sort of crappy time-share scam.

UPDATE Say no more.

UPDATE 2 We are now ISO15* compliant

*Niall content warning- thanks, naggy pedant bureaucrats.

When it was set up, it was going to lead Australia’s Aborigines from poverty, dislocation, depression, dispossession and disease to a new world of self-determination, self-esteem, empowerment and self sufficiency; in a few cases it over-achieved. As far as the rest of our Indignant Indiginies go, ATSIC was a corrupt, self-serving, malfeasant and incompetent disaster; it made a select few Anglo-Irish thugs with dodgy claims to native heritage wealthy and powerful, at the expense of the welfare of remote community residents and taxpayers.

Bushy has come up with a fitting epithet for the overdue demise of this failed experiment in social engineering:-

No doubt the burearacracy that replaces it will be inefficient, unweildly and expensive, but it would be hard pressed to exceed the extravagance of one elected ATSIC commissioner, let alone a board full of the bastards, most of which will never be brought to account for their actions which range from mild incompetence to criminal fraud and theft; being of Aboriginal extraction* means they are too primitive to know right from wrong, and thus shoud not be held to the same standards of accountability as other Australian citizens.

Don’t think this is the end, it’s only the start- there is a plethora of Land Councils, Legal Services, Housing Commissions and assorted other QANGOs out there siphoning public funds into personal fiefdoms, and accountable to no-one until one of the tapeworms infesting the office gets so out of control they get outed by their fellow parasites.

A fine example is the delightful Paul Coe**, until recently the CEO of the Metropolitan Local Aboriginal Land Council (the Sydney branch of the NSW Lands Council), who while on $100K a year plus car and large terrace house in Alexandria couldn’t quite get around to paying his own rates for his council-provided house, let alone organise collection of rates and rentals on any other council-owner properties.

This is the same Paul Coe who was disbarred six years ago for defrauding the Aboriginal Legal Service of an unknown amount of money (the ALS was wound up with debts of $2M, a fair lump paid to Coe; he was also paid a few gorillas by the MLALC for legal advice after he was struck off); the organisation he was appointed to head is the largest land owner in northern Sydney, with property estimated to be worth over $2 billion- a top idea to place a known shonk in charge.

It would be hilarious if it was happening somewhere else, especially New Zealand. There’s a long, long way to go yet.

*The accepted definition of Aboriginality seems to be that you’re actually a Yugoslav, whose Great-Grandad once stunned a numbat with a stick.

** Surprisingly, no link anywhere on-line to this story, despite it being published on page 5 of today’s Australian.

I’m apparently some sort of lush. I’ll drink to that.

You know which wines go best with which foods, and
you can make New York City’s finest sommalier
feel like a kid at a keg party. You wanna take
that Emeril guy and beat him with a stick, but
really - you’ve got more class than that.
What people love: You know the best restaurants and
what their specialties are.
What people hate: Every waiter in town wants to
mangle your pretentious ass.

What Kind of Elitist Are You?
brought to you by Quizilla

(Swiped from the Saucy Boys.

Yo! Time to be gettin’ wiggy wit’ the hip hop Easter bunny!

Personally, I waiting to hear the myxomatosis mix.

Toothy provides a timely warning of the hazards of Easter over-indulgence, especially the possibility of a horrible John Hurt in Alien end resulting from ingesting eggs with unknown contents.

You better hope the Easter Botfly doesn’t bring you an egg either!

Gibbo has a lovely Easter bunny story, which will be just the ticket for entertaining the kiddies- read aloud, preferably in the dark with a torch on your face.