Daily Diatribe

Have a drunken and dangerous transformer robot big floating head giant banana dancing mutant New Year’s Eve, folks! I’m off to get completely Helen Kellered, and pass out in traffic without pants.

See you next year- hopefully it’ll be better than this one (but I bet it isn’t).

New Year’s Eve is a mere few hours away, and many people haven’t come up with another list of lame resolutions they’ll ignore as soon as they sober up, very much like the United Nations.

Well if you can’t think up a list of pathetic promises you have no intention of keeping, take some advice from the Spanish Fly.

Australia’s favourite Nazi Jack van Tongeren has had a win at the Administrative Appeals Tribunal, scoring a TPI (Totally and Permamently Incapacitated) pension for life, even though he is currently banged up on remand in Perth’s Hakea prison.

This means that Jack is unfit to work, despite the fact that he seems fit enough to firebomb Chinese restaurants and beat the snot out of anyone slightly tinted; that $300 a week will come in handly when he’s in the slot though, what with having to buy off agressive homosexuals in the showers and hire protection from angry Asian inmates.

Apparently Jack still thinks Charlie’s on the wire:-

Mr van Tongeren received the news from former soldier Norm Heslington, one of a group of veterans who served with Mr van Tongeren in the 2nd Battalion Royal Australian Regiment.
The veterans don’t share Mr van Tongeren’s white supremacist views, but they have rallied to try to help him turn his life around.
Mr Heslington believes Mr van Tongeren’s extreme views may have grown out of the propaganda ? demonising the Viet Cong ? fed to troops before they were sent to Vietnam. His combat experiences have also affected him.
Mr Heslington, who visits Mr van Tongeren every week, said his friend had been in denial about his condition.
“I could see 15 years ago that his behaviour then, although criminal, was a legacy of his mental scarring,” he said.

Despite the seeming absence of dugouts, tunnels and even black pyjamas in the average suburban take-away.

There can be little doubt that van Tongeren is crazier than a shithouse rat, but whether this is due to overseas service is debatable; if every vet flipped out at the sight of a potential Victor Charlie and went on a rampage, assorted Chinatowns would be a bit hairy to visit for a spot of yum cha or hokkien mee.

(Thanks to JF Beck for the tip).

The Happy Wanderer and his expensive clan of public-money hoovers have finally been shown the door, courtesy of (once again) poor bloody taxpayers.

The usual suspects and Cadres of the Caring Cong are deeply disturbed, and see a conspiracy unfolding:-

Mr West (Centacare spokes-Mick and idiot) said the practice of deporting families under the cover of darkness was not unusual.
“They have been the public face of the way people are treated in our detention system and people don’t realise that one o’clock in the morning is the standard approach,” he said.
“With the tragedy of the tsunamis, it’s good timing for a Government who wants to do it as privately as possible.”
The Bakhtiari children were released into Mr West’s care between August 2003 and June this year.
“I am very concerned for their wellbeing,” he said.
“They have been very brave children right up until the end.
“The trauma for them over the last four years has been extreme.”
Mr West said many of the family’s friends and supporters had appointments to visit them and now they have been denied a chance to say goodbye.
Meanwhile, Justice for Refugees South Australia chairman Don McMaster said the department’s deportation of the Bakhtiaris over the Christmas holiday period was a ploy to avoid media coverage.
“It’s doubling distressing for them because one, they don’t want to go to Pakistan, and the way it is being done is very cloak and dagger,” he said.
“It’s not a very good Christmas present for the Bakhtiaris. They would be very distressed about it - they don’t want to go to Pakistan.”

John Howard had the navy drop depth charges on a known fault line to cause the tsunami, so the equally vile and evil Mandy Vanstone could spirit away our family of couragous queue-jumpers with minimal media attention; the glaring ommission in all this is the fact that the media are the only dickheads who still are faintly interested in this whole tiresome episode- the vast majority realise the Bakhtiaris are shameless liars and opportunists who suckered a pack of cause-crazed cretins who wanted to believe, despite overwhelming evidence to the contrary.

Poor old Ali will be back to dislodging packed-up Pakistani poo pipes by next week, with not a hope in hell of ever darkening our door again unless he coughs for the millions expended in this whole sorry episode.

Bye, y’all, and don’t come back now, y’hear!

Bloody hell- another one has popped their Birkenstocks, this time feminazi fruitbag and all-round nasty piece of shit Susan Sontag.

She should be remembered for such deep, caring and heartfelt prose as this:-

Writing in the 1960s about the Vietnam War, Sontag declared “the white race is the cancer of human history.” Days after the Sept. 11, 2001, terrorist attacks, she criticized U.S. foreign policy and offered backhanded praise for the hijackers.

“Where is the acknowledgment that this was not a cowardly attack on civilization or liberty or humanity or the free world but an attack on the world’s self-proclaimed superpower, undertaken as a consequence of specific American alliances and actions?” she wrote in The New Yorker.

I feel as much sympathy for her karking it as she showed the victims of 9/11’s unprovoked , cowardly and dastardly buskwacking.

Elsewhere a pinhead in The Times ponders where are all of Britain’s Sontags? A question easily answered- like everywhere else in the western world, infesting public broadcasters, faculty lounges, senior positions in the bureaucracy (especially the yartz) and writing turgid columns in left-leaning newpapers that no-one reads.

The left and their darlings have been dropping like macrobiotic non-genetically modified flies; she joins such dreadful losses to the world as Jaques Derrida, Edward Said and much-beloved hero of popular uprising fans everywhere Yasser Arafat. I just hope the worms have strong stomachs.

Enough of this maudlin navel-gazing, it’s time for fun! And what better than a Calcutta on which leftist moon-pie is going to bite the big one next?

My nominations (and wishful thinking) are:-

1. Michael (Exploding duodeum) Moore

2. George (Brain atrophy) Monbiot

3. Robert (Dreadful IDF sniper “accident”) Fisk

4. John (Dreadful IDF bulldozer “accident”) Pilger

5. Phillip (Truffle in windpipe, no-one with long enough arms for Heimlich manouvre) Adams

6. Margo (Impaled on stick in dreadful scarecrow/myopic farmer mix-up) Kingston

7. Collective ABC (Mention of funding cut, mass coronary occlusion at possibility of having to find real job) Staff

Feel free to add your own in comments.

A ratbag in Dhaka, Bangladesh can flee rising floodwaters in style, having produced a Ferrari F50 replica based on a Honda Prelude and assorted bits of stray crap, including wrecked tuk tuks and clapped out trishaws.

What powers this particular vehicle is unknown, but it would be difficult to fit an elephant beneath the elegantly sloping bonnet.

Other projects have included a Volkswagen-powered Lamborghini Countach and a Nissan Laurel (2.8 ltr turbo 6) powered stretch limo, complete with TV (but no signal most of the day).

I realise there is strong demand on the limited charity purse at the moment, but reader RB has drawn my attention to this worthy cause:-

The fall-out from their poor election result has forced the Australian Democrats to move their national headquarters from Canberra to Adelaide.
The party’s vote fell to just 1.2 per cent in the last election.
That means it is only entitled to $8,000 of taxpayer refund for the campaign.
In the 2001 election it received $2.4 million in taxpayer-funded campaign reimbursement.
The drop in money has forced the party to sack its two staff members as well as move from its rented headquarters in Canberra to the property it owns in the Adelaide suburb of Black Forest.

How can we calmly stand by and see the one party that has represented out interests so faithfully thrown out of their meager digs in Canberra and left to freeze to death selling matches, peering in the window of parliament house.

A pretty state of affairs when a pack of unrepresentave swillees have to either pay their own rent or move out, having their river of gravy turn to a mere trickle because the electorate think they’re a disfunctional rabble of pea-brains, pettifoggers and perverts.

I for one will kick in $20 of my own hard-earned to hire a comfortable skip for Andy and his ‘homies to hang in.

(There’s something a tad ironic about Black Forest being their home- a sticky, gooey bland collection of calories soaking in booze and likely to cause wind and pimples).

As the death toll from Boxing Day’s horror rises, I pondered how long it would take for some dribbling ‘tard to link the devastating earthquake-caused tsunamis to the cause de jour for the Caring Cong, global warming and I didn’t have to wait long- some idiot in Indonesia that very night broached the subject, to be quickly joined by a plethora of dingbats.

These people really make me want to puke; no disaster, however horrible, can be let pass without some milage being made for their chosen barrow.

The fact is, tectonic plate movement has been going on as long as global temperatures have been rising and falling, and current technology allows us to have fuck-all influence on either phenomena; all the Kyoto Treaties in the world won’t make a scrap of difference. Nature is far nastier and dirtier than we could ever hope to be- the biggest polluter in Washington State is not a coal-fired power plant, motor vehicles or heavy industry- it’s a bloody volcano, which isn’t even going off big time.

In a related matter, are Australians now the most selfish, insular, whiny and self-important puff buckets on the planet or what?

As opposed to the 50,000 and growing dusky poor bastards floating around assorted parts of Southern Asia and East Africa, these complaining deadshits are alive, and their only trauma is having to wait for a scheduled commercial flight. The RAAF should drop delivering vital aid like fresh water, medical supplies, food and clothing and rush off to a few resorts to pick up these self-absorbed cretins. Fuck them. Going by some of the media interviews, many potential round-eye victims were walking Darwin Awards waiting to happen.

My sympathies lie with the poor buggers who’ve lost their famlies, their houses, their livlihoods, everything- there’s many places where you can help out, so if you’ve got any dosh left kick in.

The best thing we can do is to help these places become wealthy, so when the inevitable shit does happen they have the means to get early warnings and the resources to sort out the mess afterwards.

BTW- don’t think it can’t happen here- we’re overdue.
At least you’ll be able to pick up some cheap beachfront real estate, even if it is currently inland. (Nothing good ever comes out of New Zealand, with the exception possibly of some Marlborough whites).

I’ve been tied up with family dramas, so posting wil be back to normal soon.

UPDATE In another first, The Australian has managed to snare the first incoherent missive from a raving loon blaming George W. Bush (and by default John Howard) for the latest natural disaster:-

IT is well within reason to ask why a God of so-called love should allow such a disaster that killed so many of our near Asian neighbours. However, to use such words as quoted in some reports ? “it was like God had unleashed his anger” ? is to blame the Almighty for something we may have contributed to, as we do, to much of the terrible suffering throughout the world.

For example, it was George Bush who unleashed his anger with the devastation of Iraq by the might of US military power. If you read about the possible causes of underwater earthquakes, you must ask how much have we stuffed up the ocean beds ? how many nuclear explosions* have occurred in the oceans?

Geoff Hinds

Merrylands, NSW

The op/ed pages are riddled with ratbags today, worth a read for a laugh, but this one stands out as a true piece of gibbering idiot leftist rationalisation and paranoia; the only thing missing is a claim that it was caused by some sort of giant death ray, built as a joint venture by the Jews and the Masons to croak all those nasty Muslims (and a few Buddhists, Hindus and Christians as well).

Geoff needs to stay out of the sun a bit more. (your brain really fries when it’s encased in tinfoil).

*In the area in question, none since about 1955 in the Montebello Islands; in the Pacific (except for a couple of French firecrackers) about the same- that ol’ tectonic shift was biding its time, waiting for GW Bush to be re-elected. What a fruitcake.

Evil Pundit has scored a pre-release of the new Bob Geldoff/assorted tossers rehash of the failed single that re-armed the Ethiopians in the last instance and made the life of the Eritrians worse, and here it is.

Pretty inventive, using the same bloody song from 1985; who says popular music is stagnant, repetitive, derivitive and dull?

I think there’s some samples, and there’s a DJ scratching.

About as hip as osteoporosis.

Thanks to all our readers, contributors, commenters and trolls; I’d do this anyway, but it keeps me occupied when I’m drunk replying to your comments/contibutions and complaints.

If you’re worried about offending anyone with a seasonal greeting, try this pro-forma hello from Australia’s leading pusillanious politically-correct puffbucket Premier Steve Bracks:-

Greetings
(but only if you accept the conditions below)

This greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal. It is freely transferable with no alteration to the original greeting. It implies no promise by the wisher to actually implement any of the wishes for her/himself or others, and is void where prohibited by law, and is revocable at the sole discretion of the wisher. This wish is warranted to perform as expected within the usual application of good tidings for a period of one year, or until the issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting, whichever comes first, and warranty is limited to replacement of this wish or issuance of a new wish at the sole discretion of the wisher who assumes no responsibility for any unintended emotional stress these greetings may bring to those not caught up in the holiday spirit.

(Thanks to Bushy for the above items).

Meanwhile, any kiddies looking for a score from the big fat bogie in the red suit may be a bit dissapointed- it seems he has had a little problem with NORAD:-

GENERALS NIGHT BEFORE CHRISTMAS

Well good morning FF.com

Good night ALL

Blame the heightened measures required by the activities of believers in another prophet.