Daily Diatribe

A rumour has swept the West Bank and Gaza that a mural of former Palestinian President and current worm-feeder Yasser Arafat is dispensing solid gold boogers, which if ingested renders the Holy warrior invisible to infidels, and impervious to ammunition.

Whether or not the rumour is true, time and IDF ordnance reserves will tell; strangely enough Mossad seems to be giving the claim credence.

Here’s a punting proposition that may actually do some good- if you think there’s a future for Iraq as a wealthy democracy and are willing to put your money where your mouth is, buy Iraqi dinars now.

If the place descends into chaos, or worse an Islamic theocracy, you’ve done your dough; if however the place settles down and kicks on, you’ll be quids up. I’m prepared to have a punt.

They’re out sooner than expected- only a couple of days after the rotten behavior of drunken Aborigines at Palm Island resulted in the arson of the police station, barracks and courthouse and eighteen police officers nearly burned to death, the apologist dingbats are blaming everyone and everything except the perpetrators.

Sure Palm Island is a dump with limited employment opportunites and derelict housing, but the main reasons properties are damaged and derelict are the actions (and inaction) of residents and corruption in the Island council. The same laziness, corruption and ineptitude are the main causes of the unemployment on the island.

The protected species status of Aborigines has got to end- perhaps if they’re treated like other citizens and are expected to carry the responsibilities of other citizens they may start acting like other citizens.

As to claims of a heavy-handed response by police to the rioting- the most pathetic attempt to divert attention from the matter at hand, and an insult to our intelligence- the response was weak, vascillating and late.

Imagine the response if a group of whites, such as a motorcycle gang, besieged a town, set fire to the police station and other public buildings and generally acted like arseholes. I think they would be indeed fortunate to not take casualties.

Meanwhile in Sydney, Aboriginies are threatening the “biggest riot in history” if they lose their free inner-Sydney housing and drug-dealing venues in the rat’s nest of Redfern. I would have thought such a statement would constitute an offence, but obviously not if you’re (allegedly) a member of a dispossessed ethnic group.

I think any of the goodwill generated in the last ten years for this particular group has well and truly evaporated.

Apologia ad Nauseum

OUR front page photograph (29/11) must have sent chills down the spines of all Australians and hopefully it is not a portent of things to come in this country.
When we read reports that Australian children on Palm Island as young as nine were forced at gunpoint to lie face down on the floor in their own homes we are reminded of an Israeli soldier filling a Palestinian teenager with 13 bullets, because she might have been a terrorist, or a US marine killing an Iraqi citizen, because he could have been carrying a bomb, or a Palestinian youth blowing up a bus, just because women and children were on board. We must be adamant that such atrocities are not acceptable here.
The police responsible should be brought to book immediately before the impression is given that such abhorrent behaviour is acceptable.

Barry Everingham

Malvern, Vic

THE death in custody on Palm Island of Cameron Doomadgee might have been “accidental” but the description in the press that a man of 36 broke four ribs, punctured a lung and ruptured his liver from a fall is hardly credible.
We want to know the precise details of this lame defence.
Firstly, did Doomadgee actually fall down the watch house steps and, if so, what witnesses attest to this fact, apart from the arresting officer or other police?
If Doomadgee had been so severely injured in a fall, why was he not given medical aid immediately and transported to the hospital?
Presumably, this did not happen because the police officer involved was unconcerned.
The government and the press have already thrown up a smokescreen of outrage, focussing on the resulting riots.
In the following weeks, if not months or years, we can expect the usual whitewash which will exonerate the police, smear the Aboriginal community and restore the racist status quo of Australian life.
In his article, Tony Koch should also be congratulated for exposing the heavy-handed tactics of the Queensland police.
Calls for a fair appraisal of the death of Doomadgee have been drowned out by the bellowing of Denis Fitzpatrick, acting president of the police union, and a biased statement by the police commissioner.
Needless to say, we are in danger of seeing the same kind of police state we suffered under former Queensland premier Joe Bjelke Petersen.

Tony Thomas

Eatons Hill, Qld

THE destruction by Palm Island residents of the police station and courthouse is both understandable and symbolically appropriate.
For more than 200 years Aboriginal people have protested at the theft and destruction of their land.
The police force and courts have done very little to address these issues.
One might wonder if there is a separate law for whites and Aboriginals.
One might also wonder if members of the police or the judiciary have in any way benefited from the non-return of land to Aboriginal people.
One might also wonder if any politicians or members of the establishment have similarly benefited in any way by this.

David Lyons

Hallidays Point, NSW

Bloody hell- there’s more moonbats flitting about here than flying foxes during mango season. Odd how none of these dribbling dolts are outraged by arson, mayhem and attempted murder- all minor matters when they’ve got an oppressed minority to defend.

I’d like to round up some of these arseclowns and ship them off to live on Palm Island, Doomadgee, Bamaga, Arakun, Cherbourg and assorted other indigenous hamlets so they can bask in the Rousseauian splendour to be found there.

Hell, we could videotape it and sell it to the networks- it’s make Survivor look pretty lame in comparison.

UPDATE From Keith T in comments at A Western Heart:-

Mr Yanner will attend Mr Doomadgee’s funeral, which was expected to be held next week following a second autopsy.
He said Aboriginal Australia was looking at Palm Island with great pride and satisfaction.
“We look around at Palm Island, Redfern, and go bloody good on ya, one for us. I can’t wait until I have my go,” Mr Yanner said.
“Aboriginal Australia loves those moments.
“They’re moments to be extremely proud of.”

Res Ipsa Loquitur.

More than eigthy allegedly intellegent whales and dolphins are polluting a beach on Bass Strait’s King Island with their rotting carcasses- very thoughtful of them in the middle of summer. (And serves the pitiless krill-killers right).

The cause of beachings has eluded scientists for years- but perhaps the obvious has not been considered; I know when I’m three-quarters in the bag my navigation skills go out the window, perhaps these maggotty mammals were on a planktonic pub crawl, suitably bladdered and wound up tits up on the beach- not the first time such a thing has occured in seaside areas with late licences.

In other nature coming off second best news, natives with a fine sense of irony captured a lion that had been scoffing their livestock and barbecued the bugger, inviting all their friends and rellos around to share the fine feline fare.

Sounds like the Lion King meets Burger King.

(Courtesy the Dog).

Look out for the Gingerdead Man! WOOOO!

If that’s scared the shit out of you, here’s a tonic- let’s dress up an entirely climatically inappropriate snowman for Christmas- the kiddies will love it!

Incumbent Federal Member for Botany Peter Garrett collapsed at a Sydney beach yesterday after exposing his big, baldy light-globe-like head to the evil effects of direct sunlight.

Scientists have said that the radiation collected by a scone that looks like this example would be enough to turn a normal human being into a game-show host; when the limited intellect of a politician was exposed, it would normally result in leadership ambitions.

Labor leader Mark “Ball Bearing” Latham has been warned by authorities to keep an eye out for a big bald mutant seeking his remaining love-berry.

(Heads up to Bushy).

Metatasised Musical Muffin Delta Goodrem has announced a national tour, and to go with it and increase her photogenic disease appeal to the ‘tard market, a name change- she will tour and record from here on in as Carcino-Gina.

She’s hoping for much increased radio-therapy airplay as a result.

I have an easy answer to David Malouf (op/ed Sat27/11) and other like-minded heritage-Nazis; pony up, or shut up. If you want to preserve a building/tract of land/ugly municipal garden gnome, buy it and you can do whetever you like with said item. I’m sure all the concerned citizens who block redevelopment of sites and who lobby government to purchase properties (with other people’s money) would love to be on the recieving end of a load of busybodies, telling them when to mow their yards and wether or not they can sell their properties, who they can sell to and what the buyer can do with it. I’m no fan of legislation, but we really need property rights in this country.

Paul Bickford

Hamilton

(Submitted to the Courier Mail, Saturday 27/11).

I normally couldn’t be bothered writing letters to the editor any more, as so few are published and it’s a waste of my time; I had to knock out the one above in response first to this article, then further fuelled by this latest episode in the ongoing efforts of hippy luddites to prevent commercial growth and employment to enter their magic fairy bower.

Enough is enough- I think it’s time for anyone who incurs losses through the actions of these dingbats in lodging objections and appeals, blocking entry of construction equipment and otherwise protesting developments and demolitions to sic the most venal, ugly and rapacious lawyers onto the buggers and clean them out. It’s also time local and state governments started telling vocal, unrepresentative minorites with too much time on their hands and the idiotic view that because something is old it is automatically worthwhile to go stick their heads up a dead bear’s bum.

If you don’t think this bullshit is completely out of hand, have a gander at what the National Trust regards as deserving of restoration, preservation and maintenance at public expense.

Bring back the Deen Brothers.

How to Know if You’re a Redneck Jedi

1. Your Jedi robe is a camouflage color.

2. You have used your light saber to open and cook a can of pork and beans.

3. You think the best use of your light saber is picking your teeth.

4. At least one wing of your X-Wing fighter is primer-colored.

5. There is a blaster rack in the back of your landspeeder.

6. You have bantha horns on the front of your landspeeder.

7. You can easily describe the taste of Ewok.

8. You can find no grammatical errors in the way Yoda talks.

9. You think that the Stormtrooper Elite Guards are just KKK members with really good fitted sheets.

10. A peaceful meditation session is one without gas.

11. You can levitate yourself using a force from within, but not The Force.

12. Your master has said, “My finger you will pull..hmmm?”

13. You have had an X-wing up on blocks in your yard.

14. You have lost a hand during a light-saber fight because you had to spit.

15. The worst part of spending time on Dagoba is the dadgum skeeters.

16. Wookies are offended by your B.O.

17. You have used The Force to get yourself another beer so you didn’t have to wait for a commercial.

18. You have used The Force in conjunction with fishing/bowling.

19. You have used a light saber to clean fish or open a non-twist-off bottle of beer.

20. Your father told you, “Shoot, son come on over t’ the dark side…it’ll be a hoot.”

21. You’ve had your R-2 unit use its self-defense electro-shock thingy to light a bar-b-que.