Daily Diatribe

Just been given an F by your arsehole lecturer because you couldn’t give a fuck if Lyerties or whatever his name is sticks a shiv in Hamlet, and you much preferred the gangster version by the prick who made Rabbit Proof Fence, and want to stick it up him 16th century homie style?

What you need is the Shakesperian Insult Generator.

If that doesen’t work, prithee, give it to ye knave fair in the codpiece with a blast of Shakespeare Uncut.

Makes Big Brother look like a building full of ignorant bogans trying to root each other.

Both links shamelessly pillaged from the lovely Donnah, who truly is a Florida Cracker.

I haven’t heard a report of mayhem, murder or malevolence for a good 24 hours. I doubt the case is that all the naughty little urchins wearing mummy’s best dishtowel have given away their preference for running amok with ordnance, so either there has been a magic cessation of Arabs letting off things that go bang, or there is a major change in reporting since the handover.

Either way, how did this half-witted excuse for a vessel for the propogation of genes ever get pre-selected into the Liberal Party?

I could understand Bronwyn Bishop- she probably had photos of her and John Gorton when she was hot (about 1932); but this cretin? This is the sort of thing that makes me question giving women the vote.

Speaking of unspeakable plots, how’s this one from Raff of Byron Bay- the perfect bait for the wizened po-faced old looney- a venue full of her own kind, and the chance of a co-podium with Margo Kingston:-

Sent: 28 February, 2004 2:24 AM
To: speakers@canspeak.com
Subject: Helen Caldicott M.D.

Hi there. We’re after someone to deliver a talk that would promote the benefits of nuclear power to a group of ‘greenies’ that are holding up one of our projects. For ten thousand dollars would Helen help us out? We’ll pay cash..Thanks in advance,
Mr. X.

Sent: Tuesday, March 02, 2004 5:44 AM
Subject: Helen Caldicott M.D.

Good morning. Thank you for your interest in Dr. Helen Caldicott addressing your group … can you please provide me with a few more details to share with Dr. Caldicott. What would be the date/time of the presentation, who would the audience be and any other details about your organization.
I believe that you are based in New South Wales … I look forward to hearing from you. You can reach me in our Vancouver head office.
Belinda Miller-Foey

Belinda Miller-Foey
Client Services Director
CANSPEAK Presentations Limited
toll:(800) 665-7376 direct: (604) 986-6887 ext 303
cnaspeak.com

Sounds like fun- I’ll kick in. Maybe the mention of building a nuclear plant at Byron will scare her off, or maybe it’ll get her dander up- she’s pretty stupid.

I’ll keep you posted. Raff, I hope you have a bucket handy- you can never be sure.

***NOTE***Anyone who is feeling moonbat-deprived should tune in to SBS TV tomorrow night (20.30 EST) to catch Doctor Helen in all her glory, in a public-funded review made by her niece Anna Brionowski. Is there any question why these people are so diametrically opposed to cutting funding to public broadcasting? Why would you, when you have your own private FOX studio. The only difference is that Rupert paid for his- we pay for theirs.

Alert watchdog of the downtrodden JF Beck has unearthed a plot by a “charity” to deprive indigenous Australians of meagre recompense for their dispossession, with the ultimate aim of ethnic cleansing.

A charitable organisation that launched a condom especially targeted at Aboriginal people is hoping to introduce the product in the Northern Territory.

Those techniques include packaging in the Aboriginal colours and the slogan “trouser snakes are the deadliest”.

Deadly indeed to the hopes of Aboriginals to return their population to the levels present before their decimation by white settlement, and even more deadly to their hopes to score the $3K per picaninny, which could provide most remote settlement residents with a near new Commodore with a functional wireless and a supply of Slim Dusty tapes.

As to the insult to dreamtime beliefs involved in putting one of their major totems on a piece of rubber to be rolled on their willies then discarded after a bout of hide the didgeridoo, the rainbow serpent is suitably indignant and is planning on raising the matter with the Human Rights and Equal Opportunity Commission as soon as she/he or it ceases to be mythical.

The eugenics fans running this program are looking for donations to help their program of genocide and cultural mockery-
here is their website. If you need further evidence of the source of this Anglo-fascist suppression and the campaign of extinction of indiginous peoples, look no further than the home of the current Imperialist organisers of this project.

The Governor general has a lot to answer for.

I know it’s swotvac and there’s serious drug use and sexual harrassment to be taken part in, but there’s still the matter of those pesky papers you have to hand in to some hatchet-faced harridan of a sociology lecturer or a tweedy bearded intense dickhead who really wants to write a book on the history of union activism in property development in Wagga Wagga; what’s to do? If you flunk and have to repeat, that’s more HECS racking up, and another six months before you can start filling chip bags at McDonalds or enter the public service as a base grade clerk.

Well worry no more- thanks to the Chomskybot and the Leftorator, you can spin as fine a line in rigid politically correct orthodoxy as has ever graced an unreconstructed Stalinist’s in tray- could even be worth a distinction, but rating work is a reflection of the dominant paradigm and only reinforces stereotypes of ability and destructive competitve impulses (shit, I think I started to channel Naomi Wolf for a nanosecond there- I feel so dirty).

So churn out some post-modernist pap and go and get so drunk you will need a wire brush to get the congealed vomit out of your eyes!

Shamelessly stolen from Dave at Iowahawk.

Anti-democratic legislative logjam Brian Harradine has decided to finally cease fucking things up for the majority of Australians and is to retire from the Senate at the end of this year.

Among a sea of unrepresentative swill, Harradine was Prince Pig- hogging an upper house seat for nearly thirty years, and using the leverage of holding the upper house balance of power to inflict his own rabid Catholic left views on the rest of us, courtesy of about 12,000 web-toed hillbillies in Tasmania.

Brian has held a real job for about three years in his entire worthless life- he was a railways clerk before weaseling his way into the union and then the ACTU. Having gained ALP pre-selection for a safe Senate spot in Tasmania, he then proceeded to be possessed by the evil spirit of Archbishop Mannix, booted out of the ALP and then used his un-earned position to force his hideous blend of yahoo social justice and ugly reactionary Catholic bigotry on people who have reasonable ideas on things such as voluntary euthenasia, sale of public assets and granting title of property to people with no valid claim to same.

I find myself in the invidious position of agreeing with (gulp) Bill Leak on something:-

The only drawback with this geriatric oxygen thief retiring is that his position is likely to be filled by something equally worthless, the way senate quotas are in Tasmania- the most likely being a new playmate for national treasure Bob Brown.

Anyway, toodle-ooo, Brian, and don’t live long- you’ve siphoned more than enough public money already without getting your snout into the superannuation and gold-card trough.

The Smoking Gun has discovered that Detroit Dirigible Michael Moore has two current electoral registrations, one in New York and the other in Michigan. This would about cover the span of his arse cheeks, so he probably thought it OK to register both of them, but I believe the act in the US only allows for one.

Tied to his NYC registration is a Volkswagen Beetle- who out there wouldn’t pay to see him be stuffed into Hitler’s Revenge? Despite his repeated claims to be an independent, the Bolshie Blimpie is cleared registered in both cases as a Democrat.

This site has been able to obtain a scoop- the true reasons behind former spazzy dancer with local pop act Evening Petrol Peter’s decision to give up annoying local businesses on the Southern Highlands and go into Federal Parliament to annoy national businesses.
Peter, or to use his Rumanian name Brian Nosferatu (pictured on his luxury yacht, bought with the proceeds of selling a product in a marketplace)

has determined that the parliamentary lifestyle suits some of his own lifestyle choices- they sit well into the evening, members are never missed during the day and are often seen getting a skinful in the member’s bar, so his absence from daytime divisions will not be noticed, and Canberra is one of the few places in the world with a population so dull and unattrative as to contain a sizeable proportion of virgins.

There is an ulterior motive behind this we have found; Brian’s main aim is to end clear-fell logging in Tasmania, and thus remove sharpened wooden stakes from the market- an item dangerous to members of his undead minority.

(If you really want sore eyes, anyway). I stumbled over this abomination whilst trolling around for an item I read in one of my life supervisor’s horrible girlie magazines, featuring the Socialist Slaphead being interviewed by some bimbo more attuned to Brittney Spears, but telling in that he was still President of the ACF at the time (but was just about to jump the fence).

Unfortunately it seems to have dissapeared into the ether; a pity, because the contradictions with only a couple of weeks ago could be a little embarassing to the Alopecic Arsehole.

Anyway, enjoy Leftlink- all the dribbling gibberish, paranoid blather and undergraduate wankery you could spend a good few hours googling to locate, all in the one convenient politburo of pillocks.

***UPDATE***It seems there’s nothing more bitter than dingbats spurned; good luck, Desert Head- you’ll need it with the bong-head/hippy/weave your own yogurt/perpetually outraged/caring and sharing vote split.

Another safe seat flushed out into Botany Bay I would say; enjoy surfing in the effluvia of a failed campaign, Pete!

Arbeit Mit Fries!

(Thanks to EP for filling my order).