Daily Diatribe

Michael Jackson is suing the network responsible for production of the documentary that portrayed him as a demented, deranged and disfigured dingbat
http://au.news.yahoo.com/030228/11/qn9m.html
Mad Mike had this to say: “even though I am clinically insane, possibly a paedophile, look like a reject from Madam Tussauds during a heatwave and a quite possibly an alien, the portrayal of me in this program was unfair. At no stage did they mention my ability to fly and to transmogrify into other life forms, or my Doppelganger role as leader of the Australian Democrats”.
Michael is currently enjoying the benefits of electricity when applied to the frontal lobes, and mainlining lithium.

Another missive from Colonel Blimp:
“HAVING failed to produce any credible evidence that Iraq has weapons of mass destruction, the reasons for an American invasion now centre on the range of the Samoud missile.

After the Gulf War, UN inspectors destroyed the scud missiles, which had the range to hit Israel. Iraq was given permission to develop missiles with a range not exceeding 150km ? this was to ensure Iraq could not launch a missile attack on Israel and draw that country into any future war, which, in turn, would align the Arab states with Iraq.

Because it has no guided warhead, the Samoud missile has an erratic range that has reached 163km, with reports it may reach another 30km.

Even if that range is verified, it is less than half the range needed to reach Israel.

The few extra kilometres beyond the UN limit has no strategic significance; it is certainly no justification for starting a war.

To think our Government is about to send young Australians into a war in the Middle East because late last year our PM spoke to a Bush in the White House rose garden.
Maj-Gen Alan Stretton (rtd)
Kingston, ACT”
Howard may have spoken with a Bush in a garden, but methinks the General has discourse with pixies in his garden; that’s where he gets all his insights.
Note the name of the suburb the General resides in- can stupidity be passed on by postcode?

Talentless life support system for a big arse Jennifer Lopez is too lazy to walk 100 metres
http://au.news.yahoo.com/030228/11/qn45.html
A fleet of six limousines was used to ferry the daft cow and her flock of hangers-on from one hotel to another, taking about 15 minutes; the walk would have taken 5.
Do these dickheads have too much money, and a vasty inflated idea of self-importance, or what?

Walking case for retrospective abortion and Limp Bizkit front idiot Fred Durst wants to help victims of the fire caused by equally awful band White Hope
http://au.news.yahoo.com/030228/7/qn15.html
The best thing Fred could do would be to join the burns victims, and set himself on fire.
Failing that, if Limp Bizkit promise to 1. disband and 2. promise no greatest hits, no retrospectives and no solo careers, I will kick in ten bucks to any fund.

Someone slagged off the Margoyle very well in the SMH Webdiary:
David Gijsbers

Seeing as you love poetry so much, I chucked together a little Dr Zeus ditty so the Byron Bay crowd you cater to can comprehend the simplicity of what we are facing in Iraq.

There is a man who can

There is a man who can,

That man’s name is Saddam.

He can stop the harm,

Just co-operate and disarm.

*

Signs say Howard, Bush and Blair?

I sit slack jawed and stare.

Why not point out the man who can?

That man’s name is Saddam.

*

The end.

*

Feel free to argue amongst yourselves.
Dr Seuss would be about the reading level of the average webdiary reader- a bit too complicated for the Margoyle, though; it teaches spelling and syntax……………………

How evil are you?
Take the quiz- i am apparently insane

Having watched Lateline (ABC TV 22.30pm); What’s the betting on a leadership challenge from the WA backbench;
The fat boy is back, he smells blood; Simon has been disemboweled by public opinion, and the Distaff Dirigible thinks he is next cab off the rank- let’s face it, who the fuck else do they have? Is there going to be the Putsch from the left the ALP needs to establish some difference from the Liberal party, and cut the legs off the Greens?
Or is it just a hopeful fat boy trying one more time for the prize?

Shane Warne is concerned about losing his wine endorsement
http://au.news.yahoo.com/030227/2/qmif.html
why Shane would be concerned about this, I have no idea.
A more champion representative of whine could not be found.
Shane has a genetic advantage with whining, being Victorian (the nearest thing in the southern hemisphere to a Pom).
Mr. Warne no doubt will continue his campaign to advance whining, and may in fact apply for a grant from the Yartz Council to advance his whining to an art form.
Shane has already had his first exhibition, in front of the Doping Commission: “It was my mum. I just wanted to lose a double chin so I didn’t look like a fat bastard.”
Artist Shane is expected to produce some more quality work as he is refused employment as a commentator: “Shit; hang on, I’ve got a pommy nurse on the line; bugger me, you are nothing but a slutty tease; hang on, that prick can’t bowl like me. What’s Ranjit giving on Australia in the final?”

A National Treasure like Shane Warne is above the acceptable behavior of we mortals- he plays cricket, and he comes from Victoria.

John Bell, famous uphill-gardener and founder of the Bell Shakespeare Company, on the 7.30 Report on the ABC, commenting on the upcoming conflict in the Middle East and trying to make a political statement- “you just have to look around- there are Richards everywhere.”
Poor pet- he must have just been burgled. It’s bad enough when they knock off your DVD and video, but to leave all those Richard the Thirds- costs a bundle with the cleaners- mind you, may have been a valid artistic comment…………….

Chinks Concerned About Australian Attitude
http://au.news.yahoo.com/030227/2/qmi7.html
A representative of the Chinese Government has expressed concern about the Australian Government’s intention to defend itself.
“I would have thought that you filthy yellow running dogs of capitalism would have learnt your lesson in Korea” stated Wun Bung Lung, consumptive representative of the new capital happy China.
“Just because we sent well over a million men over the Yalu river, only to have them cut to pieces by Australian and British paratroopers, doesn’t mean you can beat us. We know that the invention of the mini-gun finally gave the US army the required cyclic fire rate that would see our advantage of sheer number of troops in the field lost- they could kill more of us than we could ever mobilise.
This means we are totally fucked unless we use nukes, and we don’t have the arsenal the West has (and all our guidance systems came from the Russians, so the first SS20 we fire is likely to land in Beijing), we don’t want you to be not scared of us- all we have to stay in power is fear, and if that disappears we have a nationwide Hong Kong; shit, the BMW and NOKIA plants can’t make enough gear for a half billion entrepreneurs.”