Daily Diatribe

Just as I published my farewell to free Blogger, the sod turned around and bit me on the bollocks- it now refuses to publish ANY FUCKING THING!!!!!!!!

In the words of the geezer in “Aliens” who my partner thinks is a spunk, “There is no other choice, we haul out, and nuke the site from orbit”……………..

If this ever makes it on air, Happy New Year to you shitheads at blogger; fuck off where you belong, surely there’s an opening at Nintendo…………………..

There is a stand-off between another group of would-be firestarters and Commonwealth Authorities on Christmas Island Detention Centre.
I suggest immediate consultation be entered into, with the aid of such boons to dialogue as number 4 birdshot in riotguns, and CS gas.

These arseholes need to be put in the bag fast, before they cost me and every other tax-paying law-abiding citizen more money.
I would like to see a sizable number being escorted, in cuffs, onto the next flight out of our jurisdiction as soon as DILGEA can get onto Flight Centre; and if by some horrible mishap of mistaken identity, (like Ali Bhaktiari being an Afghan), the AFP managed to bung Julian Burnside QC, Margo Kingston, Phillip Adams, any fucking imbecile who EVER voted Green, Brian Harradine, Peter Garrett, B1 and B2 from the SBS Movie Review show, Bob Brown, Cheryl Kernot, the dickhead who is the rector of the South Brisbane Catholic Diocese, Bill Keane, and a few others I am still thinking about, onto the same flight- they ALL DESERVE EACH OTHER……………………………………

On a different note, I would like to issue a warm Hogmanay to any silly sod reading this tripe, with the advice to adopt a New Year’s resolution to get a life;
Take up macrame’, or join your local group of neo-nazi white seperatists;
even going to see “Bowling for Columbine” would be a step up from reading this mindless filth.

However, we will be back in the New Year bigger and better than ever;
It will be revealed that the “Carl” in the “Paul and Carl” is in fact, my imaginary friend, who I blamed for years for wetting the bed;

We will splash out on a non-free blog server, which actually allows links, photos, mpgs and a spell-checker to be used, useful for an aging drunk like myself.

Like anything else that is free, like public housing, public health etc, free Blog access is crap, does not work, and winds up costing some poor bastard a shitload. (In this case for once, at least it wasn’t me).

The battle of the Titans continues between Tim Blair and myself, to see if those potential Tamil tigers can actually win a game, without driving an Austin Ambassador packed with nitropril onto the pitch at the SCG and turning Nasser Hussain into pink mist;

A full year beckons- come and join us. The address will be the same, there will just be a lot more shit on it.

Bad Australian actors have called for peace in the New Year, and are opposed to war with Iraq.

All the more reason to commence bombing immediately.

Another good idea would be to re-introduce the draft, on a selective basis.

Australian stand-up comedians could be used for mine-clearance, Iran style (made to walk in FRONT of armoured vehicles); the list of uses is endless.

This would have the double benefit of shortening the war and improving local entertainment;
(and saving money on ordinance and awful Australian film and TV)…………………………..

Blithering Idiot Pamela Curr (now is there justice in THAT name, or what?) of the Australian Greens, says there is a question over who actually lit the fires at Baxter, Headland and Woomera.

No question in my mind- it was Elvis, Harold Holt and the CIA, in whatever order you reckon.

The valued would-be citizens currently residing in these centres showed their community spirit by throwing rocks and bottles at the fire-fighters.
What would happen if they were released into the community, and a bushfire broke out? Have a pot at water-bombers with RPGs?

Talk about defending the indefensible.

I hope Ms Curr and her ilk are billed for the damage their incitement of this rabble has resulted in.
There need to be swift retribution for this act of sheer mindess bastardry- and in the meantime, make the pyromaniac pillcks sleep in the smouldering rubble.

Australian members of the Raelian cult feel they are being unfairly portrayed by the media.

I don’t see the problem with their portrayal as gullible hippy fruitbags who probably scarfed up just ONE TOO MANY gold-top;

Won’t we all look like dickheads when they get picked up by a passing Tardis, though………………………….

(The worry is, their claims of successful cloning may be true- just what we need, a whole army of Nimbin “artists”).

NSW police have apprehended a hoon near Macksville clocked at 200kph (125mph)- what a puss!

When my Beemer is finally released from the clutches of the Australian Quarantine Service, we’ll have to see if the NSW plod can even CATCH an M3;

Top speed acording to the web is about 265kph (165 mph) and even the Subaru WRXs of the Highway Patrol will struggle with that…………..

A bit leery about getting grabbed again in NSW, however, as there are a couple of outstanding matters from a few years back, which I COMPLETELY FORGOT, your Worship; I may find myself sharing accomodation with Jody Rich……………………………………………

No doubt many pundits have commented on the recent barbecues of public assets performed by worthwhile future citizens, but has anyone given thought to the reason behind these acts of heat-based home improvement?

I find it a little hard to beleive that these acts were on a purely random basis, being performed in the usually news-free Christmas/New year hiatus, and all at the same time-
It couldn’t be that a campaign driven by Trotskite ratbags has been taken on board by yahoos in detention centres, in order to maximise press coverage?

they have achieved that in spades; and going by the polling in a Channel 10 poll this evening, it has been a success in geting media coverage;
However, getting support from the poor silly sods who PAID for the facilities to be built, maintained and staffed has not been quite so successful.

Most taxpayers now would like to see the immediate repatriation of the participants to their country of origin, preferrably with the aid of a large circus-style cannon.

Well done, freinds of the asylum seekers; you have hardened attitudes everywhere, and I don’t know if you received your legal advice from J. Burnside QC or not; anyone with an inkling of the wording of the Migration Act could have found a section which specifically excludes persons of an underirable character- one of the definitions being arson.

When these pinheads have done bird in somewhere a lot less pleasant than Immigration detention, they will be out of here.

Well done, their “friends”.

My partner swears blind by the principle of three at a time, whilst decrying her Black Irish antecedent’s reliance on superstision; a paradox, if I ever saw one; but, we have had Joe Strummer, now Bernard King, who’s next?
In order to even things up in the lifestyle stakes, it would have to be a non gay non right-wing non lefty non libertarian who loves bad art and has no style or flamboyance;
I hope they have measured up Paul Keating.
Mind you, a current deceased Lord Mayor of Sydney can’t really be a bad thing……………………….
bit hard to approve another toaster from inside a box.

Quote of the week- Bart to Homer Simpson- “But dad, you are a great hippie; you’re lazy, self rightous, and your feet are filthy!”
Should be at Woodford.