Daily Diatribe

Bit hard to miss it if it’s in front of a media scrum. Bloody hell, even the most completely bladdered scrubbers have straightened themselves out a bit by the day after New Years, scraped the congealed vomit and overdone mascara out of their puffy, piggy eyes and stumbled off to the nearest Starbucks for a skinnylatte’ and a half-dozen Alpines so as to get back into shape to front up at the office and regale their fellows with tales of how many hunks they pashed on with (in reality nil, but that’d be a bit dull to relate around the watercooler).

Not it seems our new Deputy PM, who wasn’t satisfied with the half-nip Pimms and Jatz-based aperetifs on offer at the now Rudd-occupied Kirribilli House and had to nip out from her relief PMs duties for a pub crawl around Altona with some like ladies, catching the Australian Chippendale Tribute Show at the Lord Nelson Tavern before moving on to the Lighthouse for a few fluffy ducks and a scragfight in the dunnies, followed by an explosive chunder in the back seat of a Silver Top.

Perhaps it would’ve been advisable to not however pop into Schappelle-Tiffany’s next door for an eye-opener before hosting a press conference, but who are we to pass judgement on our fresh, new down-to-earth national leadership?

Well not yet, but give it time. I hope all you retards are pleased with yourselves, you’ve given us the dickheads who last were responsible for double-digit inflation and mortgage rates, Sheikh el Hilali, trade union domination of enterprise and national debt in the billions.

You’ve also given us a leader who looks and sounds like a cub scout whos had his cocoa laced with cascara and and deputy leader who looks like Woody Woodpecker and sounds like Cath and Kim on nitrous oxide.

You’ve replaced a basically honest and hard-working PM in his own seat with a hatchet-faced harpy who has never held a real job and who shamelessly used her position in public employ to further her own and her party’s political ambitions.

I’d give it six months before we’re really in the dunny due to the revenues being generated by the mining industry, less time if there’s a spill and the likes of Gillard and Garrett get hold of the reins; unlike lame lefty dickheads, I will vote with my feet and depart these shores if things go tits up as they are likely to do- I quite like this country but I’m fucked if I’ll get cornholed to pander to the electoral pecadillos of idiots. I’d pay 6% tax in Singapore.

I may hang around because I’m not particularly exposed to the inevitible financial woes which will result from this, and my business is not highly capital-intensive (but dependant on trade which is likely to contract), and I can take advantage of the mortgagee sales which should start kicking off within the year; I’ll also look at the ASX which will tank on monday, but what were bluechip shares are now risky due to the influence of Green idiocy on mining.

I’ve never been a fan of the Howard government- big taxers, big spenders, welfare addicted and highly intrusive, particularly in personal freedoms, but the incumbent regime will be much moreso; just because Kevni comes from my home state doesn’t mean I have to support him- Queensland is after all full of dickheads. A power-hungry beaureaucrat with an air of smug self-satisfaction is not my idea of an ideal leader, let alone his deputy, an ambulance-chasing harridan with all the appeal of a stonefish, and the accumen of a bogan lottery winner.

Also elected are the likes of Greg Combet and Bill Shorten, examples of the very worst of organised labour- I don’t think we’re in the toilet, more like an open cesspit full to the brim with dysentrous waste, choleric fluids and dead dogs.

Enjoy, fuckwits.

UPDATE- It gets worse- after July next year the upper house is likely to be dominated by a hideous coterie of enviromongs and a retard who doesn’t like poker machines- for fucks sake are we really this stupid? It’s going to be 2010 before we can fix this fuckup. If you thought you were being subject to ugly extrajudicial oppression by local government and demented state governments, what’s happening now is going to be a day out at Dreamworld compared to when this ugly allaince comes to fruit- expect to be summarily executed returned to the earth for possessing a vehicle with a gasoline engine or spending more than 10 seconds in the shower.

About time to get this waste of bandwidth back up and running full-time, a time is coming where dissent actually will be patriotic.

UPDATE 2- With any luck, on his first visit to the US Kevvie will be invited to go duck shooting with Dick Cheney. Or maybe not- that’d see Woody Woodpecker tapping away at the timberwork of The Lodge- then again that might not be a bad thing in the long-term, as it would reveal to the drooling mouth-breathers that seem to make up the electorate just what these sods are really about.

The slinging of preferences by the Shooters Party is a classic example of the sort of stupidity that has characterised this election- if the incumbent rule-happy yahoos wind back the cretinous Commonwealth weapons legislation in any way I’ll eat a bucketful; I fully expect it to be tightened further, and if you dare to shoot a ner’do well on your property intending ill you’ll be lucky to just be subject to the bastinado.

Christ on a pogo stick, I’ve got a hangover that’d kill a black dog, and having to come to grips with these dribbling cretins running my life is a bit much- time for an eye-opener. I reckon it’s time for a three year bender.

Well I’m back from the Deep North and have fulfilled my civic duty, and now intend to get a load on to either sink into a pit of despair or shrug and say “so what?” at the result of today’s pollingbooth palaver.

The saying “the lesser of two evils” has never been more of a truism than today- a big taxing, intrusive nanny-state party, or a big taxing, more intrusive, politburo-state party is about it; further choice doesn’t exist. Reading through the senate list, there’s only one party* that has any platform to actually wind back government, and while I disagree with their ideas on defence most of the rest I’m in basic agreement- the rest are nothing more than timeservers, wastrels and pisspots or the seriously demented and dangerous.

The House of Reps is even more so- mandatory preferential voting means I’ve had to cast a ballot for those who I wouldn’t piss up their arse if their kidneys were on fire; the first choice was one made through lack of options, the rest fund hoovers and dingbats. I know there’s another old saying that goes along the lines that “you get the government you deserve“, but are we really this disgusting?

I’ve put my money where my mouth is and laid a couple of gorillas on the coalition, especially when they got to $4.60- small mitigation for the ackers they’ll extort from me in the next three years if elected.

Both sides snorked about the need for action- for once I’d like to see government pledge inaction, particularly in idiotic areas such as global warming/climate change/incipient ice age and the forever rent-seeking yartz. I note the Liberals just pledged ’80s style tax offsets to the fillum and teev sector to ensure they continue to produce unmarketable dross rather than saleable products that don’t require subsidy.

While a victory for the ALP may not be an unmitigated disaster (despite the fact they lack a Peter Walsh type this time around to keep the real loons such as Gillard and Garrett in check, and rather than a fictional honey-addicted bear, I think Kevin Rudd coudn’t go thre rounds with a revolving door)- a likely hostile senate will keep the bag on a lot of their excesses (unless Gaiea forbid a Senate balanced by Greens or Hansonite/Lyndon LaRouche fruitcake flat-earthers).

That said, I’d be repulsed indeed to see this potentially great nation led by that smarmy, self-indulgent, duplicitous squirrel-faced git and his hatchet-faced, shrill, self-absorbed harpy of a deputy.

This is the first time I’ve voted since 1996, so it’d better be worth my effort.

Updates to be posted as results emerge- the two key states won’t start posting returns until later due to the imbecilic rejection of dailight saving h’yar in Queensland and timezone differences with WA. I should be nice and toasted by the time it looks like there’s a result.

*Shameless plug for John Humphries who’s running in the Senate in Qld- the first person since Guy Fawkes who’d enter parliament with honourable intentions.

UPDATE- The ratbags in the counting room are hooting with a Labor victory- still early days, but not looking good. Regional seats are a long off, and even the ABC pillock doing the numbers is beside himself but outlying booths are a long way off. SnowConeTone is desperately trying to get somone to stick their hand up.

UPDATE 2- Now they’re claiming 12 seats, need 16, with WA yet to come in. It was always going to be tight, but it’s getting tighter. SnowConeTone just brought up the leaflet issue, and was told no-one gave a fuck. I think this is going to be a long night.

UPDATE 3These Sydney/Melbourne based dickheads are ignoring the minesite vote, where the votes will come locally from the wharfies.

Wait until the troops out on the workface who are pulling 6 figure incomes get included.

As I’ve said, it’s going to be a long night.

UPDATE 4- The ABC is already declaring victory, and getting a huge roust from the Rent-A-Crowd. Let’s see what happens in WA.

UPDATE 5:- We’re fucked.

These dirty bastards have control of the country, and are hoooting like gibbons.

Enjoy it dickheads, make the most of it, we have the GG on board. Play up too much and it’ll be double dissolution time.

UPDATE 7-Kevni has won, we are fucked. It also looks like ABC harpy Maxine McHugh (the thinking person’s sex symbol, if by thinking person you mean dribbling cretin, and sex symbol you mean menopausal timeserver who prostituted her position in public employ) may take Bennelong; I knew this coutry was full of halfwits, what with voting for Big Brother and purchase of Shannon Noll CDs, but this takes the biscuit.

I give it 6 months before I feel cause for the first told you so, but it may well be sooner, particularly if there’s a leadership spill and we’re faced with (shudder) PM Gillard.

You have been a very naughty electorate, and I should rub your noses in it- it’s a particularly nasty steamer you’ve dropped.

Before you view these two brilliantly written and skillfully animated pieces from those laff-a-minute chucklemeisters at the Climate Change Coalition, make sure you’re wearing brown trousers at least, as I guarantee you’ll laugh so hard you’ll shit yourselves:-

How can the major parties hope to cope with such biting satire, such precision-aimed mockery? If you thought that one was cutting edge, you’ll need to be fitted with a colostomy bag after this one:-

I’m guessing they’ve been produced by the former writing team for The Glass House- good to see they’re keeping up the high standard we’ve come to expect from our nation’s creative genius.

I hate my parents- they provided me with care and comfort, taught me right from wrong and generally brought me up to be a marginally worthwhile citizen.

If they had have been borderline psychotic substance abusers, I’d be farting through silk- get yourself rescued from a dire situation and brought up in a caring environment and it’s worth a half mill to you according to some pinhead on the bench in Adelaide- the reason you became a worthless piss artist is because of the trauma of your removal from an unpleasant situation, not your own choice.

I get on the gas on a regular basis and am reliably informed I’m a bit of an arsehole, so maybe I’ve got repressed memories of being chocked up the bot by some cassock lifter, or swiped from my deeply caring but poor parents and given to some toffs who wanted a display baby.

The judiciary and the legal fraternity wonders why they’re held in such  opprobrium by we less learned members of the public who have to foot the bill for their pontificating- franky I wouldn’t give this chap the steam off my shit by choice.

Wonder what old mate Julian Burnside’s cut of the take is? Or is he doing it pro bono as he assures me all his representations on behalf of illegal immigrants is performed? Of course there’s no benefit from the vast publicity generated by such actions among his left-leaning clientelle- Jules is doing it purely because it’s the right thing. 

That’s why he’s seeking interest on the award back-dated to 1957, kicking it up to around A$3M instead of a paltry half a million- I’d imagine Jules’ cut would pick up a couple of Nolan etchings and a case or two of Grange.  

UPDATE:- Same goes for this parasitic, rent-seeking bilge rat  - I have a great deal of respect for current and former members of the ADF (and I’m about to become one myself) but every service has always had its fair share of malingerers, ticket-workers, malcontents, time-servers and bludgers; expecting a payout for being on a large ship which ran over a small ship is bollocks, and only a completely disconnected twat like Kirby J would give such a claim the time of day; this prick wouldn’t have even known the Voyager  had been chopped in two until it was announced over the tannoy.

What next- passengers on a train that beans a car on a level crossing rewarded for their trauma? What possible use would this parasite have been in an actual conflict if he drops his bundle over an unfortunate accident which didn’t harm him in any way?

We’re in big trouble if we ever wind up in another full-on fight like 1939-1945- we’ve become a nation of bedwetting pantywaisters, utterly dependant on an incompetent government to wipe our collective arses and look to our welfare. This country gives me the shits a lot of the time- I often wonder if it (and more to the point its population) is worth defending.  

Just when the biggest debauch on the national calender is getting under way, a pack of blue-noses, wowsers and no-fun types called the Alcohol and other Drugs Council have lauched a policy demanding that the already userous tax on turps be hiked, and scary warning labels affixed to bottles.

I would’ve thought a crew with a name like that would either be a marketing agency or a mobile supplier, but as usual it’s a pack of busybodies trying to insert their own narrow views on a majority- on bloody cup day, anyone who’s not three quarters in the bag by lunch-time is either some religious crank or incarcerated.

What’s the difference between these types and their ancestors, bashing away on tamborines and berating pissheads as they weave out of a pub? If you tipped public funding you’d be bang on the money- we’re paying these twerps to hector us about our bad habits, and I’m guessing they’d be looking for an excise increase to go straight into their whippy.

Personally I’d like to vomit on them. Speaking of which, off on a pub crawl of downtown Townsville this afternoon, in the salubrious company of Mr Bastard  and others; I trust we’ll make up for the consumption shortfall created by the hugely influential AaoDC, and wind up completely Helen Keller’d by stumps. L’chaim, y’all!

I’m in Townsville on contract for five weeks, so I’ll be covering the upcoming federal poll from up here, with some local embellishments.

With three weeks gone, the election campaign in North Queensland has shifted gears- in the last week we have been blessed with the presence of the Kev and Pete show, and now Greens senator and climate change spokeshippy Christine Milne.

Both visits have created more mirth than committed voters, with the Labor leader and his environment spokes-slaphead plunged into darkness during a yammerfest at Townsville State High’s library- while plugging the merits of wind and solar power as an alternative to naughty coal, the solar and wind generators that power the site failed, leaving the two looking more twatty than ever; if solar and wind can’t generate base load in a place where you need welding goggles rather than Raybans and the breeze off the Coral Sea would blow a dog off a chain, what possible future is there for it in the doldrums of Melbourne in winter?

I would have thought the solar radiation absorbed by the radome-like noggin of the Member for Kingsford Smith would have illuminated the room, but no such manifestation occurred- further proof possibly that poor old Pete just isn’t that bright.

The Greens meanwhile want to do what the Queensland government is already doing- energy audits, accompanied by slings to buy efficient dunnies you have to flush six times to budge the fudge, low-consumption lightbulbs which cause blindness due to the feeble amount of illumination they give (and create toxic landfills due to their high mercury content), low flow showerheads and solar hot water systems which require you to run the water for fives times as long to get it to heat up and to allow enough water to flow over your carcass to actually clean it, and ceiling fans instead of refrigerated air conditioning- a sure-fire winner in a place with plenty of wind but 100% humidity, which makes the air seem like the inside of a sauna full of flatulent Germans.

Locally, the two big items are an attempt by the Labor local and state governments to stifle the Liberal incumbents street campaign, using an obscure local bylaw about blocking visibility at intersections; Peter Lindsay has placed shipping containers covered with party endorsements and slogans on vacant blocks next to major intersections, a pretty smart ploy and less costly than billboards. There’s a fight brewing to determine if the commonwealth legislation regarding electioneering trumps the local council’s; the other big issue that’s appeared is the revelation that the ALP candidate, George Colbran, is for once not a former union official- far from it in fact, he’s a MacMillionaire, owning several of the fast food franchises in the twin city area. Don’t know how well such a background will go down with the bruvvers and sistas of the left faction.

Lindsay meanwhile looks to have secured the substantial bevan (see bogan) demographic with the securing of $10M from the feds to stage a round of the V8 Supercars next year- a small but strident (how unusual) protest group led by local Greens candidate Jenny Stirling is outraged, with such activity doing nothing towards making Townsville a sustainable city. Then again she’s asked how being a heavily industrialised city is a sign of progress, so there seems to be some reality issues she has trouble with.

Like the temperature, things are heating up.

Test

Caroline Overington reports on a Blairs Law moment, this time in the Federal Court.

Lawyers for AdultShop.com will argue that the federal Government’s Classification Review Board routinely applies an X-rating to sex films that would not offend a “reasonable adult”.

The review board is required to take “community standards” into account when classifying films.

The review board classifies most sex films as X18+, meaning they can be sold only in the ACT and Northern Territory and shown only in licensed premises in those territories.

Adultshop.com CEO Malcolm Day, whose publicly listed company is valued at $9 million, said standards had changed since the guidelines were drafted in 1984.

“Most reasonable adults would not regard an adult film, depicting sex between two consenting adults, with no violence, as offensive,” Mr Day said.

Sounds reasonable, and perfectly acceptable in a modern, secular and liberal society; why should images of a legal activity, undertaken by consenting adults be subject to restriction, or more to the point subject to any governmental interest whatsoever?

But then up bobs the pointy heads of God Botherers, lemon suckers, po-faced wowsers and the usual suspects who seek to inflict their own twisted view of morality on others:-

The Australian Family Association said today the court action was being driven by purely commercial reasons as the company attempted to increase its market share.

Association spokeswoman Angela Conway said AdultShop.com was attempting to undermine 20 years of consultation and debate that led to the X-rating being devised.

She said there was “every likelihood” that certain forms of violent erotica could also come under the R18+ rating.

“Some members of the Australian community are offended by this type of material, so we have to make sure they have a choice and they don’t have to have it in their faces when they walk into a video shop,” Ms Conway said.

“There is a risk that (if successful) this case will throw everything up in the air and we’ll go back to the 1980s where we had all sorts of problem with the mixing of porn and violence.”

Surely to make such a claim you need evidence, but not it seems when it’s an issue that’s supported by the legion of perpetual outrage  (Y Chromosome Division), and what’s wrong with seeking to improve market share in a supposedly free market economy? You can’t be a Christian and a commie, Angie.  

 Sheila Jeffries, associate professor of political science at the University of Melbourne, disagrees vehemently. “When people discuss pornography, what they forget is that they are watching the abuse of women,” she says.

“Do you know how long it takes to make one of these apparently non-violent films? It can take 12 hours.

“Women have to take double and triple penetration, they take pain killers and muscle relaxants, drugs, alcohol to disassociate, to help them cope. So what you are watching is not pornography. It is the abuse and prostitution of women. I would ask: do we want to make a big industry out of this in Australia?”

I believe the hourly rate is better than eviscerating chooks at Inghams, but seeing as it’s not compulsory to participate I don’t see how it’s any of your fucking business. 

Which brings us to the point where Blairs Law comes into effect:-

Melinda Tankard Reist of the Women’s Forum Australia says pornography is essentially the abuse of women, and says tonight’s “so-called debate” has been stacked with pornography supporters. “They set these things up to make it look like only right-wing, Christian, conservative, pro-family groups have any opposition to pornography,” she says. “They ignore the voices of ordinary women who are opposed to the degradation of women in these films, for the pleasure primarily of men.

“There are women who could have been invited but weren’t — the Coalition Against Trafficking in Women, for example, which works for women who are coerced into pornography. They are not invited to speak.

“Our own group — Women’s Forum Australia — we’re a broad group of women, quite normal women with very strong views because we’ve seen the toxic culture of this industry, we were not invited to speak.”

Tankard Reist says horrific tragedies, such as the death of Diane Brimble on a cruise ship, and the abuse of young girls in advertising “are all fuelled by an attitude that sees women as just pieces of meat. We are living in a brutal, over-sexualised culture, and excuse me, but some of us are trying to raise daughters in this environment, and the last thing we need is more pornography.”

Australian Family Association state president Angela Conway believes she’s the only conservative, anti-pornography campaigner on the panel.

Conway says: “I certainly have concerns about the impact of pornography on perceptions of women’s bodies, and women as people, and on relationships as a result.

“But let’s make no mistake about what AdultShop is trying to do with its court case. They are trying to pull the X-rated classification, saying these tapes should be available to everyone in every state.

“But X-rated material is already available and anybody in Australia who wants to get it can legally obtain that material by mail order.

“This is not an issue of availability. It’s about lumping adult films into the R category, so how long before they are in ordinary shops and cinemas?”

And so what if they do? If there’s a market for it, why is it any of your business? It’s not as if the Pervie Patrol is going to be roaming the streets, going door to door and forcing you out of your house at dildo-point to go and watch stick movies at some sleazy cinema- video killed off porn parlours years ago, and downloadable DVDs have given the hard-copy sale industry a major touch-up; these are all factors due to market change.

The real point here is the readiness of usually juxtaposed groups, who would not normally piss on each other if they were respectively onfire, to jump into bed (Oooerrr!!) with each other when they perceive a common cause.  

UPDATE:- If you dirty bastards won’t give up porno for the sake of oppressed womyn and outraged religonazis, won’t you at least think of the ‘tards? Their new campaign puts up a pretty convincing case:-

 

 

Up until now, all attention has been focused on the dangers and discomfort associated with water shortages. This, however, ignores the clear and present dangers present in environments rich in this resource.

An article published in a British medical journal has found three people have died from flesh-eating bacteria after swimming in rivers in the Boorroola region, south-east of Darwin.

WC Fields didn’t go far enough- not only do fish fuck in it, it harbours all manner of hazardous organisms; the vector involved in these incidents has been identified, and is very common throughout the wet tropics, but unknown in arid areas.

Based on this data, the DD advises readers to not only exclusively drink beverages sterilised by a presence of alcohol, but to bathe in same and even use to flush the dunny.

And this has nothing to do with our shareholdings in Lion Nathan, Anheuser Busch, Hiram Walker and Southcorp. We must lobby the Commonwealth to scrap excise, in the interests of public health.